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Like most kids, I had a shitty fake ID, and the one time I tried to use it to buy beer the clerk called me on it and I ran out of the store like a little girl.

Luckily, I had a backup plan. There was a store on the other side of the county that always had an old drunk out front. So long as you gave him enough money so he could get something for himself, he’d buy you anything you wanted.

As my kids get older, and they try to buy beer illegally, I’m just thankful they won’t have to endure the same trials and tribulations I did. Democrats have been whining that requiring someone to provide an ID to vote is racist, so by their logic, it’s racist to ask for an ID for anything.

It shouldn’t matter if it’s voting, buying beer or getting into an X-rated flick. If requiring a valid ID is wrong for one, it should be wrong for all.

So remember, if you need to return some merchandise to a store and they ask for your ID first, make a huge scene and tell them you ain’t nobody’s Uncle Tom before throwing a chair.

Ditto if you get pulled over by a cop and he asks for your license. Accuse him of committing a hate crime and make a quick move for his gun to make a citizen’s arrest. I’m sure he’ll respect your authority and won’t unload his pistol directly into your face.