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Kevin Clash, the puppeteer behind Sesame Street’s popular Elmo character resigned last week amid allegations that he had sexual relationships with at least two underage boys. Kevin admits he had sex with at least one of the young men, but the 52-year-old puppeteer maintains the boy was 18 at the time of the relationship.

I know a lot of people are surprised by this, and so am I. The fact that only one Sesame Street puppeteer is an alleged child molesters blows my mind. I always assumed that certain professions were made up exclusively of people who wanted to bang kids.

Why else would anyone ever choose to be a clown or magician at kids’ birthday parties? I thought the whole point of learning C-list magic tricks and tying knots in balloon animals was because you wanted to untie kids’ balloon knots. That’s the whole point, right?

Ditto with wrestling coach and high school drama teacher. Kids go in, attend practice/rehearsal, and afterward at least one is hanging out in your office drinking a wine cooler while you tell him how handsome he looks.

I would be amazed if that wasn’t in the actual job description for the positions. Shape young minds, inspire students, molest them. It’s pretty straight forward.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t even understand this world.

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