11 Florida University Professor Kevin Beaver recently published a study in the journal Intelligence that analyzed the origins of IQ, and his findings were pretty straight forward.

You can read to your kids until you’re blue in the face and sit through thousands of hours of those insufferable Baby Einstein videos, but without smart genes, you might as well just buy the kid a mop and prepare him/her for an exciting future in the custodial arts.

It seems that there has been confusion in the past because smart parents tend to do educational activities with their children, and this led researchers to think these activities actually had a positive effect on the development of intelligence.

Surprise, they don’t, so stop wasting your time.

As a society we accept that if two very tall parents have children they’ll probably be tall, but we all pretend if two morons reproduce, they’re not going to make a little cretin.

That’s why if you’re a man reading this and you want to have kids, you need to find yourself a smart wife.

I know dumb women are invariably hotter, but when it’s time to settle down you need to look less at cup size and more at brain size.

Smart kids are emotionally more stable and eventually earn more than their stupider peers so if you plan to mooch off your children like me, you need to plan accordingly.

Personally, if I had it all to do over again, I’d probably try to snag a Chinese woman. In addition to having a high average IQ, they also seem quite fertile, and if you’ve ever wanted to build a canal, railroad or dam in your back yard, I’m sure your kids could make that happen.