When you’ve looked at as much zoo porn as I have, you get pretty good at telling different animals apart. That’s why when I see the Chocolate Lab with the patch on his forehead that looks like a number 6 I sit up and pay attention. That dog is a goddamned superstar, and he brings it every single time.
My creepy ability to differentiate animals came into play the other night when I was watching Nat Geo with one of my kids. The show we were watching was called “The Rise Of Black Wolf,” and it supposedly told the story of a rebel who broke free from his pack and used his wit and cunning to survive.
Where other wolves avoided roads, he used them like a little force-field to keep pursuers at bay. He also had a way with the bitches and even though he wasn’t a pack leader, he snuck in and red-rocketed them all to Xanadu.
After a while his bachelor life got old, and he went on to found a new pack. He also supposedly lived to be one of the oldest wolves in Yellowstone and sired more pups than anyone else.
There’s only one problem. It was all bullshit.
I didn’t want to ruin it for my daughter, but for the young wolf at least, it wasn’t always the same wolf they were showing. They filmed multiple animals and just concocted a narrative to blend it all together.
Up yours Nat Geo.