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Sketchers, the makers of the “Shape-ups” toning shoes just agreed to pay $40 million dollars in refunds to settle charges by the Federal Trade Commission that they engaged in deceptive advertising.

Ads for the stupid shoes featured “celebrities” like Brooke Burke and Kim Kardashian and promised fat women the shoes would get them in shape without ever going to a gym. The ads also claimed the shoes provided more muscle toning and weight loss than standard sports shoes.

I just sat through one of the excruciating commercials, and the camera zoomed in on Kim Kardashian’s ass and implied that if you wore the shoes, you could have a body like her’s. For the life of me, I can’t really understand why that’s desirable. The only time you see something with a butt like that in nature it’s either pulling a plow or grazing on the Serengeti.

There is no shoe that’s going to make you lose weight unless you wear it to exercise or buy crack, so the premise itself is faulty. But I don’t really see why the FTC cracked down on this one company. Pretty much anyone who sells weight loss or fitness products is guilty of deception.

Jessica Simpson is rumored to have signed a $4 million deal with Weight Watchers to drop the weight she put on during her pregnancy. If she pulls it off, it’ll be implied she lost all that weight by just eating Weight Watchers’ disgusting food. The truth will be she had a personal trainer and worked out five days a week because losing weight was her new job. Why isn’t that fraud?

And don’t even get me started on the exaggerated claims of the Hercules Penis Pump. Penis of a Greek god, my ass.

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