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As I was driving down I-95 a few weeks ago I saw a billboard with a giant dinosaur on it, and I was intrigued. After doing a little more research I found it was an advertisement for the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, and I decided then and there I had to see this place.

I tried to convince my wife to go, but she wasn’t interested. It seems her fancy chemistry degree and belief in things like facts and science prevented her from seeing the truth. The goddamned Flintstones were right all along and humans and dinosaurs lived and worked together on an earth that’s only 6,000 years old.

The museum is only a few miles from the Cincinnati, Ohio airport, but I opted for the mind-numbing nine-hour drive through scenic West Virginia and Southern Ohio.

Since most of my trip was at night, and it seemed like I was the only person traveling through this godforsaken wasteland, I passed the time by turning the radio to static and pretending everyone else died in some plague and I was the last person on earth.

Mercifully, I finally arrived as it opened at 10:00 a.m., and though I was initially pissed at the $30 admission price, I have to say it was generally worth it.

The museum’s 70,000 square feet are packed with exhibits depicting everything from creation to the flood to the modern day, and it even ended with a Triceratops wearing a saddle that visitors can sit on and have their photo taken.

I guess my only complaint was that everything was kind of low-key crazy while I was looking for batshit insanity. I was hoping for dioramas of ancient knights charging into battle on the backs of velociraptors while pterosaurs bombarded them with stones and missiles from the sky.

If you guys add something like that, I’ll come back, and I’ll even drag the wife and kids along this time.