subThe American legal system is kinda nuts. You can pretty much sue anybody for anything, and even if your lawsuit is completely moronic, they still have to pay to defend themselves.

To really prove the point, a class action lawsuit was filed against Subway because their footlong subs sometimes only measured 11 to 11.5 inches (insert gasp here). Since virtually all of the evidence was eaten, and forensic poop technology is woefully underdeveloped, it was acknowledged the complainants had a pretty weak case but Subway decided to settle anyway.

As part of the settlement, the 10 dipshits who filed the suit get $500, their lawyers get a little over half a million dollars and Subway has agreed that for the next four years their footlong sandwiches will measure at least 12 inches.

This is all nonsense because Subway makes their bread with identically weighed dough balls, and an 11.5 inch sandwich has the exact same amount of dough as a 12 inch because they weigh the same.

And the argument that a shorter bun means less toppings is ludicrous. Unlike most restaurants, you literally get to watch the illegal immigrant make your food at Subway, and if you want more toppings, you just have to ask.

What’s next? Is my wife gonna sue because I promised her 12 inches, but I glossed over the fact that she would actually get four inches three times. Good look with that suit, sweetie. You gotta listen to the whispered fine print.