unnamedAccording to carvings on a stone monument discovered in modern-day Iraq, the entity we now know as Hillary Clinton was originally called Suttinu. She was born near the Euphrates River to a human mother and a demon sometime in the third millennia BC and terrorized the surrounding countryside for decades.

Eventually a coalition of forces from the city-states of Ur, Kish, Uruk and Lagash defeated her in an epic battle, and she was locked within a sarcophagus and walled inside a stone tomb.

She remained imprisoned there for over four thousand years, freed only in 1922 when Sir Leonard Wooley accidentally released her during his excavations of Mesopotamian burial sites.

Even though she no longer had a human form, her spirit remained tied to the area because of the powerful incantations the Priests of Enlil wrote on the linen strips used to bind her hands and feet.

Unfortunately, local villagers discovered this ancient linen in 1945, and they used it to weave textiles. Hillary Clinton’s father, Hugh Rodham was a textile maker, and he imported some of these damned fabrics in 1947 which allowed the demon to possess his eldest child, Hillary.

Normally, the bodies of possessed individuals die at relatively young ages, but this ancient demon has proven especially resilient. But, as the health of its host has started to fade it has gotten more desperate.

Much of Suttinu’s ancient energy remains bound with the stone of its old sarcophagus, and only by sleeping in it 15 hours a day can the creature muster the strength to continue.

And now it’s a race against time. Can the demon maintain this mortal form long enough to gain ultimate power and plunge the earth into eternal darkness? Only time will tell.