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I like Colonial Williamsburg. You get to see professional reenactors recreate authentic early-American history, and you can experience a time when white men held all of the power, instead of just most of it.

I’m not sure if they still do it, but they used to hold mock slave auctions. I only saw one once, and that was back in the late 90s. Midway through it, some guy freaked out and started yelling for the spectators to rise up and stop the auction. He kept yelling “there are hundreds of us. We can do it.”

Eventually the reenactors had to break character and restrain this dildo, which really pissed me off. The next chick they were going to sell had a huge rack, and as long as the bidding didn’t get too high, she was going to be mine. Literally, mine. I was going to try to purchase her.

Slave auctions aside, there’s a lot of other stuff to see. There are workshops where you can see how old trades were performed, and a ton of other stops that give you a real feel for how much life sucked back then.

It’s tough to imagine a world without heating, air-conditioning, running water, refrigeration, television and on-demand porn. If you want a glimpse of that hellish existence, all you have to do is go to Colonial Wiliamsburg.

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