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Some people call Cinco de Mayo Mexican Independence Day, but those people are idiots. Mexican Independence Day isn’t until September, and it commemorates Mexico’s victory over the Spanish and their Chupacabra allies.

Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates a victory at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 when a rag-tag group of Mexicans defeated a force of Frenchmen. The French had heard that the Mexicans were even more military inept than them, so they invaded, but since they were French they failed miserably.

This holiday isn’t really celebrated in Mexico, but it was revived by Latino activists in the U.S. in the 70s. Since this is America after all, we promptly forgot the history and just started exploiting it. Kind of like we did with St. Patrick’s Day. Now Cinco de Mayo is just an excuse to eat some Mexican food and drink tons of tequila and horrible Mexican beers.

Some people act like this is a bad thing, and they piss and moan because it’s just another example of crass American commercialism exploiting someone else’s culture. They’re missing the point that crass commercialism, exploitation and gluttony are America’s culture, and much like rape, you can either fight it or just lay back and enjoy it.

I personally couldn’t wait until tomorrow, so I’m dipping into the case of “Beers Of Mexico Summer Variety Pack” I bought this morning. Amazingly, some of them aren’t half bad. I’m not sure I’d ever buy the one again that’s made with real Habanero peppers, but it did sober me up enough to write this.

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