Chipotleass Chipotle Mexican Grill is shutting all of their restaurants for a few hours on February 8th to conduct a company-wide meeting. It seems management is alarmed their brand image is suffering after the chain endured a series of norovirus, salmonella, and E. coli outbreaks over the past few months.

I don’t like Chipotle, but I used to work with a bunch of goddamned hippies, and whenever it came time to order lunch they either wanted the awful Thai place where every single item smelled like a dirty diaper or Chipotle Mexican Grill..

Much like Target has tricked a whole generation of MILFs into believing their sweatshop produced junk is better than Walmart’s, Chipotle has used their “food with integrity” slogan to dupe people into believing their food is healthy and wholesome.

It’s not. There’s a reason other fast-food companies freeze and process the living hell out of everything they serve. They don’t want you to shit liquid fire after eating one of their meals.

You ever hear of an E. Coli outbreak at a Taco Bell? Of course not. Their food comes prepackaged from the factory in sealed, hygienic containers. It’s also quite possibly made of industrial waste that can’t support microbial growth, so that’s another built-in layer of protection.

Ditto with McDonalds.

I had my lucky McNugget on my bookshelf for years until my Commie wife threw it away, and that little hunk of mystery meat never showed the slightest hint of decay or contamination. I’m not sure why, but I’ll guess it had something to do with the hundreds of artificial chemicals they sprayed on it to make it taste vaguely like food.

You need to drop the green is good nonsense and get with that program, Chipotle.