herrorobot A restaurant owner in Shenyang China had the brilliant idea to replace his waiters with a robot, and so far the experiment has worked swimmingly.

The battery powered automaton is capable of working for 8 hours on a charge and never needs tips or bumps of meth or swigs of liquor to make it the end of its shift.

It just glides quietly from table to table as its advanced stabilizers allow it to navigate the busy area without spilling a drink or dropping even a morsel of food.

Not to sound too much like Mr. Pink here, but tipping somebody 20% to bring me my food is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t tip the goddamned guy who makes my dinner, but I’m supposed to reward the person who took my order and carried it to my table.

And since I have three kids, I can’t get out of a restaurant with less than a $100 bill, so I’m basically giving someone $20 for about five minutes’ worth of work.

Here are a few things I can get for $20:

1) A blowjob from one of the many fine whores at the truck stop near my house

2) A 375 ml bottle of Jägermeister and a Little Casers “Hot and Ready” pizza

3) A case of Miller Lite and a McDonald’s McDouble

As automation and Artificial Intelligence improves, it’s only a matter of time before the entire service industry becomes mechanized and I for one can’t wait.

You hear that Mike Mansfield, the world’s dumbest fucking bartender who has single handedly ruined the once great J. Brian’s Taproom? Your days are numbered.

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