d6c64abfdf150745a40f639c9bab565a The British mental health charity, mind, seems like it should be an acronym but it insists on writing its name in lowercase, so maybe it’s not.

Less confusingly, the organization recently released a new study which claims suppressing emotions has a negative effect on emotional health and well-being. Paul Farmer, the charity’s chief executive, even went so far as to encourage people to cry in public.

Nonsense.

You know when it’s Ok to cry in front of other people? When you’re a goddamned infant who is either hungry or sitting in a diaper full of your own waste and you don’t have the verbal ability to explain your need for food and/or a clean ass.

Look, I’m not saying crying is wrong. You just need to go about it the right way. Get in your car or some other private place, ensure that no one can see your shameful display of weakness and then turn on those waterworks.

Much as sweat clears toxins from your system, these tears should purge you of your pathetic impotence, and what remains will be a healthy burning desire for revenge against whoever or whatever caused you to blather like a simpering little pussy.

And speaking of purging bodily fluids, I also find regular blood-letting greatly reduces incidences of explosive rage, so keep that in mind next time you see a Red Cross drive or are driving through the shitty part of town and see a blood bank that buys blood.

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