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On November 3rd the best sixteenth birthday party in the history of the world was held at the Spare Time bowling alley in upstate New York. According to Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy, a room in the bowling alley was reserved for the festivities, and the floor-to-ceiling windows were covered with brown paper.

Not to get off track here, but in my experience, if windows are blocked with brown paper, something pretty awesome is probably happening inside, and this party was no exception.

Strippers from a company called “Tops in Bottoms” performed lap dances for the teens in the room, and in a least one picture posted on a social networking site, a teen is seated in a chair while one of the strippers wrapped her legs around his head and hung upside down.

Police are now conducting a full investigation, and child endangerment is among the potential charges faced by any adults who organized the party.

Child endangerment? Are you serious? The kids face in that picture is blurred out, but he doesn’t look endangered to me. I imagine he has a grin that is stretching from ear-to-ear.

People need to stop pretending that sixteen-year-old boys don’t spend every waking moment either thinking about or attempting to get laid. The only danger posed by these strippers was a bad case of the clap, and that’s why God made penicillin.