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We ran into one of my wife’s old friends yesterday, and the last few years have not been kind to her. She got cancer, her husband left her, she had to declare bankruptcy, and she may even lose her house.

We said all the right things, and we speculated that things would all be better soon, but the truth is they won’t. Her life is only going to get worse, and I feel like we should have been more honest. At minimum, we should have probably floated the idea of suicide.

I mentioned that to my wife later, and she just shook her head and walked away, but what’s the big deal? I’m not recommending this woman kill herself without giving it careful thought. I’m just saying it wouldn’t have hurt to mention that Walmart is currently selling a reasonably priced Maverick 12 gauge pump shotgun, and for less than $200, she could get both it and a box of buckshot.

They also sell tarps if she wanted to put one of those down first so she didn’t leave a big mess.

Too many times we lie to people instead of telling them what they need to hear. For example, if your wife asks if her ass looks fat in that dress, you should be diplomatic but honest. Tell her that when she walks, her butt looks like two small calves frolicking under a blanket. And when she cuts off all sex, try not to develop a crippling midget porn addiction like I did.