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Researchers at the University of Manitoba recently published a study that found that between 2% to 7% of mental disorders could be caused by physically punishing children.

Some of the physical punishments in the study included being hit, pushed, grabbed or slapped, and it was determined these punishments caused psychological issues ranging from mood and anxiety disorders to drug and alcohol abuse.

I have suspected this for years, and that’s why I never hit my kids. Instead, I’ve developed an elaborate gauntlet of mental and emotional torments I display on a “punishment wheel.” The kids spin the device, and punishments range from going to the old-folks home to give grandma a sponge bath to spending time in the snake box.

And before you get hysterical, don’t. The box is only filled with non-venomous garter snakes. I’m not a monster.

Some scientists have called the findings of this study into doubt and don’t feel the authors investigated all of the other possible causes of mental illness. Roya Samuels, a pediatrician at Cohen Children’s Medical Center in New York, also found fault with the study for ignoring the strong genetic link between children and unruly behavior.

In reality, I have a hard time believing this nonsense because every single male on planet earth born before 1950 was beaten as a child, and I don’t often hear these geezers whining about how a backhand from daddy caused all of their problems. If anything, they seem proud of their ability to take their punishment like a man.