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Eskimo Yep, you read that right, and it isn’t a joke. Our neighbor to the North has decided that the secret weapon they need to keep their great nation safe is a stealth snowmobile, and they’re not sparing any expense to make this insane dream a reality.

The machines are currently being tested at a military base north of the Canadian village of Ottawa, and according to the Daily Mail, they’re hybrid electric vehicles that can operate nearly silently when needed.

Unfortunately, aside from the price, I spot a few problems here. For one, by its very nature the arctic is a featureless frozen desert with no cover. So unless they’re going to make the goddamned things invisible, silence is only half the battle.

Another issue is why build the things in the first place? I understand Canadians are frustrated that Eskimos often conduct hit-and-run attacks on their settlements, and the legendary ability of Eskimos to almost melt back into the tundra has confounded the Canadian military for decades.

But you’re never going to sneak up on them. You Canadians should use your superior numbers to run them to ground, and instead of buying one $620,000 machine, you could get 50 standard snowmobiles for the same price. Then, overwhelm them with human wave attacks.

Or,  just revive the Weapon X program and try to make more super soldiers. Either idea makes more sense than a stealth snowmobile.

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