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pimp Canada may have been screwed over where climate and geography are concerned, but at least the people know how to enjoy the little things.

They have a decent, free healthcare system, unlimited supplies of underrated but excellent tasting Molson Canadian and its citizens can now legally bang hookers to their little hearts’ content.

While prostitution was already legal in Canada, keeping a brothel wasn’t. You also couldn’t legally live on the proceeds of prostitution, and street solicitation was prohibited.

But thanks to the Canadian Supreme Court, which meets every other Tuesday in the shed behind the Ottawa hardware store, all of these prohibitions have been removed, and women are now free to sell their clams for as many clams as they can get.

Now that prostitution is becoming respectable, I do worry about the pimps. How are they going to afford purple hats, ebony canes and red felt capes if their bitches aren’t treated by society as second-class citizens?

If prostitutes are allowed to come out of the shadows, they may realize having a guy do nothing while beating them and taking all of their income is a bad business model.

And what about all the businesses that are directly dependent on pimps? If you’re currently making platform shoes with goldfish in them or brewing Hennessy, you better get ready for some bleak days ahead.

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