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I bleed burgundy and gold, and I have been a Redskins fan for at least two decades. After watching Rob Gronkowski and the Patriots hand them yet another loss, I’ve come to the conclusion that more drastic measures are needed. I think it may be time to wage a campaign of genocide against the Washington Redskins.

It’s not like this would be without precedent. The U.S. population nearly wiped out the original redskins through a series of attacks, population displacements and by introducing infectious diseases. There’s no sense reinventing the wheel, and if it worked once, these same measures will probably work again.

First, we need to make the Redskins stop playing in Maryland and move all games to Southeast DC. Southeast is a violent hell-hole, and random violence should take out a few members of the team almost immediately.

Second, we need an infectious disease. Since weaponizing sickle cell won’t affect Rex Grossman or John Beck, I propose we just lace the players’ sports drinks with massive doses of polio. A high enough dose should still infect some of them, and it will be impossible for them to take to the field if they’re in leg braces or wheel chairs.

Lastly, and as much as it pains me to say it, we need to provide the Dallas Cowboys with gunpowder weapons. During their next game they can use these muskets and cannons to decimate the Redskins and drive any survivors onto reservations.

We can then get a new team and owner and start over.

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