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Nancy_Pelosi_2013 Just as a shark must swim endlessly through the ocean in search of food, my bizarre sexual perversions compel me to forever cruise the bottomless depths of the Internet in search of sustenance.

But yesterday was different.

The Real Doll line of sex dolls has been around since the 90s, and they’ve never really interested me. If I wanted to bang a syphilitic piece of silicone, I’d hit on my sister-in-law.

However, I’ve changed my tune now that I know that for the right price, the Real Doll Company will build a sex doll that looks like anybody.

If I was rich, I would never get tired of this. I might even start a website that combined my love of politics, foreign affairs and porn.

I would create a Real Doll of a famous politician or world leader, and after covering a hot-button topic affecting the globe, I would rail the living shit out of that doll.

Without a doubt my first installment would include House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. She is already more plastic than flesh at this point, and that plastered-on smile and those cold dead eyes are just begging for the Real Doll treatment.