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smug Bill Gates is the second richest man on the damn planet, and at a recent conference touting his commitment to ending malaria, he whined that big drug companies won’t spend money to develop a malaria vaccine. Instead, they spend their cash on trivial things like combating baldness because that’s where the money is.

Like most people, I feel the appropriate response to Bill’s new-found populism is a dismissive wanking motion. After-all, this is the same hypocrite who made an art-form of wringing every last cent from the consumers unlucky enough to get stuck with his monopolistic products.

Make no mistake, this guy earned his fortune, and I respect that, but there are approximately 7,104,562,594 people on the planet today, and exactly one of them has more money than this self-promoting little prick.

If it wasn’t for capitalism, do you know where he’d be? I do. He’d be a scribe in some lord’s castle because we’d still be in the fucking dark ages.

He’d spend his days praying no one made fun of his bowl haircut in front of one of the hot scullery maids, and none of the knights got drunk and decided to give him a wedgie with his little tunic.

He wouldn’t have to worry about the lack of a malaria vaccine because there wouldn’t be any vaccines. Those drugs were only invented because the science and industry of the capitalist West allowed them to be created.

Without capitalism, Bill, you could also say goodbye to your mansions, art collections and exotic cars. You can keep your smug sense of superiority, though. No one will ever be able to take that from you.