, , , ,

belichick The New England Patriots just announced they’re releasing tight end Aaron Hernandez after he was arrested in connection with the murder of his acquaintance, Odin Lloyd.

In his first public statement since the announcement, Bill Belichick, head coach of the team, went on the record with Codajoy.com today and discussed both the criminal investigation and the release of his star player. And even though I don’t like him, I couldn’t help but be impressed by both his firm convictions and steadfast refusal to let this setback affect his faith and belief in Satan.

“Look,” he said. “Satan works in mysterious ways, and this must be one of his little tests for me. I know if I work hard, believe and offer the appropriate sacrifices good things will happen.”

Later in the interview Coach Belichick did get a bit angry when the circumstances of Odin Lloyd’s murder were discussed.

“Can you believe this kid?” Belichick asked while gesturing to a picture of Hernandez that still hung on his wall. “He participates in one lousy murder and screws it up. Meanwhile, I’ve eaten an intoddild every Thanksgiving for 30 years, and if you think it’s easy to catch and stuff an infant, into a toddler into a child, you’re dumber than Aaron.”