hbI was watching an episode of “How It’s Made” on some stupid German luxury car this morning, and it still amazes me that we can build robots that can manufacture insanely complex vehicles, but we can’t seem to construct one that we can fuck.

I have to assume it’s a lack of will here instead of some great technological deficiency, and if someone designs a screw-bot, that person is going to become fabulously wealthy.

As with any awesome new product there will probably be some resistance at first, but mark my words, within a decade every town will have a bionic brothel, and they will be as common as McDonald’s.

The geniuses who developed the Real Doll and the Fleshlight already did half the work here, so we just need a chassis, some animatronics and a little bit of computing power to bring it all together.

Theoretically, a robotic hooker should be the easiest type of automaton to make, and they would be a great first step before we make ones that are actually life-like. Maybe even MIT or some other research institution could get involved.

But that does raise the danger of over-engineering, and I sincerely hope that whoever does this doesn’t overthink it. Much like how the chainsaw blade was based on the mouth of the timber beetle, the designers have to look to nature as their guide.

The cold dead eyes of a prostitute are easy to replicate, and the vocal processor should only be able to handle a few stock strumpet phrases like “Oh my God, you’re so big,” and “that’s not herpes. It’s just a cold sore.” Anything else would just seem fake.