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Last week a kid from Canada was in Washington, DC sight-seeing, and as he got on the escalator near the Smithsonian, a funny thing happened. His soft and spongy flip-flop sunk into the moving grates, and as he reached down to free it, he got his fingers stuck.

After nearly an hour, rescue personnel were able to free him, but he had to be rushed to a nearby hospital for the injury to his hand.

This kid provides a perfect example of why flip-flops should not be considered shoes. They combine the lack of support of going barefoot with the hazards of loosely strapping a piece unstable foam to your foot. Unless you’re a hot chick in a bikini top, they should never, ever be worn.

Still don’t think they’re hazardous. The British National Health Service reports that in the U.K. alone there are over 200,000 flip-flop related injuries a year. I can’t find any statistics for the U.S., but I suspect the number of injuries here is somewhere in the trillions.

If this little Canadian had a real man for a dad, he wouldn’t have been wearing flip-flops in the first place. Every father has a responsibility to teach his son that there are only five acceptable footwear choices for men – steel-toed boots, non-steel-toed boots, tennis shoes, oxford dress shoes and going barefoot.

If you’re at the beach and the sand is burning your little feet, run into that giant wet thing about 25 feet away. I promise it will provide instant relief. And don’t even get me started on Crocs. I’m fairly certain that if you see a man wearing them you’re legally entitled to beat him with them.

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