America2 July 4th is almost here, and on this holiest of holidays we should celebrate our ouster of the hated British and the creation of this great land.

Sure I would like to change a few things about this country. First, I would move all of the handicapped parking spaces to the far end of every parking lot so the elderly and cripples would no longer be rewarded for their infirmities.

I might also insist you actually be blind to bring your goddamned dog into a store or on a plane, train or bus, but those are small issues, really.

Too many times we focus on what’s wrong with this country, and we ignore what’s great about it.

For one, America has always been about business, and it has literally drawn entrepreneurial go-getters from every corner of the globe for centuries.

The richest 1% may have managed to temporarily hijack the economy, outsource jobs to maximize their profits and massively screw over inner-cities and middle America in the bargain, but I have faith this bullshit system is about to end.

If the effeminate English can take back their crappy little island, I’m sure real men should have no problem reclaiming a real country.

We also need to respect the little freedoms that shine out like lighthouses in the bleak night of government oppression.

While my home state of Virginia is run by freedom hating Communists who won’t be satisfied until they’ve taken all of our personal freedoms and liberties, the great state of South Carolina just saw fit to sell me an entire trunk full of bad-assed fireworks.

And the awesome folks at the Frugal MacDoogal Beverage Warehouse sold me enough liquor to almost guarantee I lose part of a thumb while setting them off.

God Bless South Carolina, and God Bless America.

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