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KoalaThe nation’s largest physician’s organization, The American Medical Association, decided last week at their annual meeting to finally recognize obesity as a disease. And all I have to say is it’s about damn time.

Now both my alcoholism and fatness are no longer my fault. You see, I have a medical condition and according to the AMA fat, drunk and stupid are perfectly acceptable ways to go through life. I’ll even get a doctor’s note to prove it.

I’ve always been a drunk, but I didn’t get fat until I got married. Back in my prime I actually cared what I looked like, and I worked out every week. Since I tend to run my mouth a lot, I also spent a fair amount of time in the gym perfecting a martial art’s style I called Coda-jitsu.

I based it on the Three Stooge’s three classic moves, the eye poke, fish hook and dick punch, and frankly I’m amazed it never caught on. According to the homeless people I tested it on, it was devastating.

Not to get off-track, I realize obesity is a serious issue, and being fat puts you at a greater risk of developing everything from cancer to diabetes, but I promise you it isn’t a fucking disease.

As a general rule you can’t cure diseases by eating less and walking around the block every night. Diseases normally require things like medicine and treatment.

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