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I don’t usually watch the Olympics but I turned them on the other day to see if Mexico had a curling team. I figured their mastery of the broom and squeegee would make them a shoo-in for the gold, but it seems they didn’t even compete.

As I was waiting for the next event, Bob Costas’ smug little face came on the screen, and his appearance was shocking. He supposedly had pink eye, but that’s B.S. What he really had was red eye.

Much like his heroes Mao Zedong and Vladimir Lenin, Bob Costas hates America and freedom. He uses U.S. flags as toilet paper, and he pays women to bake him apple pies just so he can spit in them.

I’m guessing his trip to the former Soviet Union was like a dream come true, and setting foot on the same soil where the Red Army enforced the will of the proletariat was too much for him.

In the first documented liberal miracle in history, the red of the old Bolshevik flag magically appeared in his eyes and no amount of drops, pills or potions can make it go away.