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Twice in the last week we’ve had people freak out on flights, and they had to be subdued by other passengers. This is a direct result of the climate of fear we’ve created after 9/11. There’s less security at some prisons than most major airports, and this has poisoned the psyche of the flying public.

Back in the good old days if you had to catch a flight you got there about 30 minutes before take-off and breezed through security. You could drink to your heart’s content, and a buxom stewardess was even there to light your cigarette if you wanted. Now, smoking is prohibited, but it wouldn’t matter anyway because your matches and lighter would be confiscated by the TSA during your cavity search.

I feel like we need a niche airline that has no security. I understand if the government wouldn’t let it fly near DC, but I’d happily drive down to Richmond to catch a flight. I probably wouldn’t take my wife and kids on it, but on the plus side, no one else would either. There would be no screaming children and no women slowing everything down because they can’t get their goddamn bags in and out of the overhead compartments.

As a male-only flight with no security, I have a hunch terrorists would leave it alone. For flights originating in the south, at least 30% of the passengers would probably be armed, an equal number would be drunk, and guys like me would happily straddle both groups. And since no man wants to look like a pussy in front of other dudes, the reaction would be swift and awesome if anyone got out of line.

What do you say, Richard Branson, you want to make this happen?

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