Codajoy

I realize people are morons, and that’s’ why I try to avoid them as much as possible. As a staunch libertarian, I’m also opposed to giving any group or government any more power than absolutely necessary because I’m 100% sure they’ll just do something stupid with it.

That’s why it baffles me that people are suddenly so willing to sacrifice their individual responsibilities and liberties because they think big government will result in some paradise where everyone is protected, and all their needs are met.

I hate to break the bad news, but if we keep this up, we’re going to end up becoming a police state in my lifetime, and it’s going to happen one regulation at a time. And along the way, you’re going to see outright rebellion.

Americans are a unique people. We’re the descendants of tens of millions of ambitious immigrants who were willing to risk everything for a chance at prosperity. Arrogance is literally in our genes, and restrictive government control isn’t just inefficient, it will literally blow up in our faces.

Our country could learn a lesson from the wife of my closet gay cousin Stephen. Most of the time they have a normal life, but every year or so she looks the other way while he takes a “boys only” vacation to blow off some steam/dudes. This year he went to the homo hotspot of Fort Lauderdale, and I have to imagine the condo still reeks of amyl nitrite and astroglide.

That’s what our government needs to do. Loosen up and stop trying to build regulations so perfect they cover every contingency. That’s what religion is for, and I sure as hell don’t want to live in some half-assed liberal theocracy.

Ashley Weller used to be a giant fatty, but when she lost weight a terrible thing happened. Her jugs got smaller.

Unable to afford expensive plastic surgery, the single mother of three thought she was doomed to forever be a member of the itty bitty titty committee. Then, a miracle happened.

A smooth talking hypnotist by the name of Felix Economakis entered her life, and he promised her that for a mere $1,400, he could give her the rack she always wanted.

According to Mr. Economakis, he could remove the psychological blocks in her mind that stopped her boobs from growing. He could also use hypnosis to work directly with the mind and speak to that part that controls hormones and encourages growth.

Determined to put the fun back in functionally retarded, Misty signed up for three sessions, and she swears her cup size increased from a 36C to a 36E. She even has the pictures to prove it.

Unfortunately, if you look at this picture of her just in her bra, you’ll see she still appears to be a C cup which really isn’t that shocking.

If you could actually increase the size of body parts with hypnosis, every guy on the planet would have done it, and we’d have all become unemployed, autofellating shut-ins by now.