Not all heroes wear capes, and nowhere was that more evident than on a sidewalk in Nashville, TN in the early morning hours of a Saturday last month.

At the time, Katie Quackenbush was sitting in her finely tuned German automobile and sharing tunes from her sound system with other music aficionados on Nashville’s Music Row.

Unfortunately, a local transient, Gerald Melton, was sleeping on the sidewalk nearby, and he became angry that the smell of exhaust and the sound of loud music interrupted his sweet dreams of fortified wines and big rock candy mountains.

Unwilling to simply pick up his bindle and move his box down a block, Mr. Melton instead accosted Ms. Quackenbush. Details are sketchy, but it appears a verbal argument ensued, and Ms. Quackenbush said she felt threatened and fired two shots at Mr. Melton, one of which hit him in his gin-soaked belly.

Since Ms Quackenbush didn’t report the incident for nearly a week, and because her booking photo might as well be labeled “Disinterested hand-job,” the liberal media was quick to jump on this story and vilify her.

But my question is, why?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but when in the history of the goddamned world has a hobo ever done anything positive for anybody?

There’s a solid chance if you shit in the bushes next to a street, and you’re not on a leash, you’re not a contributing member of society and you should be counting your lucky stars I don’t whack you in the nuts with a car antenna every time I walk by.

I’m not saying vagrants should be hunted for sport, but if one of them comes at me at 3:00 AM on a dark street, I’m going to do whatever I can to prevent being bitten and turned into one of them.  I’ve seen enough movies to know their bites are infected, and that’s how the contagion spreads.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un reminds me a lot of drunk me. After a dozen or so cocktails, I come up with stupid ideas that never seem to hold up under the harsh glare of sobriety.

And while the flame thrower I built with the propane tank from my gas grill was awesome, the fact that I duct-taped a garden hose to a gas tank probably means I was once again precariously close to a Darwin award.

Kim Jong Un often threatens to destroy America or South Korea, but his military is antiquated, his missile technology sucks and his head looks a fat little pumpkin. He can talk the talk, but he definitely can’t walk the walk.

That’s why I was surprised last week when he threatened to weaponize a hurricane. At first the threat made no sense. Hurricanes are already remorseless agents of death and mayhem. How could you make that worse?

Then I thought about it, and the idea was brilliant. What’s scarier than a hurricane? Why a nuclear hurricane, that’s what.

If radioactive material was pumped into a hurricane, it would spew fallout over an enormous area and contaminate vast swathes of multiple states. It would turn a natural disaster into a national disaster, and there’s not much you can do to stop it.